PrimeWire

I read a study that suggested that at least 10% of suicides coud be averted by just implementing a nationwide 7 day waiting period before buying a gun. And then we have the problem of access to mental health care in this country which is something I can speak to personally. I’m at least somewhat lucky in that I live in a county that provides health care, medical and mental, to those with low or zero income. In the case of having no insurance or income the most you can hope for when depressed though is that they will toss you some pills, but anti-depressants are an odd branch of pharmacology. There are a plethora of medications out there and it often takes a long time to find one or a combination of that helps and for some people nothing helps or at least not the ones that they can gain access to because without insurance you aren’t going to be able to get them.

Then you have the unfortunates that nothing helps and they contemplate suicide every day. My first failed attempt was at 14 and in the decades since there have been another handful of attempts, everything from pills to firearm misfire to high speed car crash. No medications help and I’ve had therapy out the wazoo, including inpatient stays that have totalled to about 5 years of my life. I have found some peace in that even though I am still often depressed, sometimes severely, I rarely think of ending it all. It’s not been all bad. There were periods that saw me happy or at least as close as I can get to that. Even more times where I was so doped up that the depression was forced to the back of my mind. When I look back though I honestly wish that 1st attempt almost 50 years ago had been successful.

I’d like to make clear that I’m not fishing for sympathy. We live in a society that heavily frowns on suicide. The current consensus seems to be that taking your own life is cowardly and selfish. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but if others knew how it felt to be cronically depressed I think they might stop considering their own selfish feelings and have more compassion for a loved one that is suffering in this way and doesn’t wish to do so anymore. Every time I hear of someone that has finally found the courage to kill themselves after years of torture, I’m glad that they found some peace at long last. “Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.” Friedrich Nietzsche