syndromezed's comments

White Cannibal Queen (1980)
grasshopper rex 1 points 2 years ago.

Cannibal sexploitation at it’s best/worst.

syndromezed 0 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

This one qualifies as worst by a lot.

This one has one mostly-SFW sex scene and less boobs than the panty raid scene in Revenge of the Nerds…in other words, there’s very little exploitation of anyone, cannibals or women. :( The only positive is that the so-called “Cannibal Queen” is pretty hot. Oh, and her father handles a high-powered hunting rifle with one arm like John McClane handles a pistol at the end of Die Hard - so not realistic exactly, but pretty badass. Too bad we’re only talking about 2 or 3 shots total before he surrenders.

The negatives include: 1) extras that range from men with salon-quality feathered hair like David Cassidy to the guy who played Sheriff Lobo’s friend Perkins, all of whom have skin tones that go from “pasty white office worker” to “lighter-skinned Mediterranean person”. At least spring for dark makeup for your cannibal tribe extras, folks; 2) cannibal hunters who are really bad at knife fighting (that is, lame choreography); 3) a budget of about 10 cents for blood and red latex…as in, no blood after stabbings and gunshots and a couple “minimalist” scenes of supposed cannibalism with a few blood smears and a couple pieces of red latex for gore.

I’ve always wondered too, why cannibals are always depicted as eating people raw and alive? I assume it’s just for the shock value, since we have historical evidence that at least most of them killed and cooked their prey (bipedal or otherwise ;)). But there were so many holes in the plot, it’s not a question worth putting too much brain power into. :)

In short, go for Cannibal Ferox instead, or any of the purely Italian early 80s cannibal movies if you want real cannibal sexploitation. Those movies were the real definition of “mondo” s/exploitation, and just straight-up disturbing on a lot of levels.

Hideout (2021)
Frac -2 points 2 years ago.

That’s why don’t talk to strangers. Pretty good low budget thriller/horror 3/5

syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

Agreed - no 10/10, but not bad.

Screaming Dead (2004)
syndromezed 0 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

This movie may have the dumbest ending ever…hit rewind on the VCR (yes, VCR!) to stop the evil dead guy.

Note to potential viewers: Erin “Misty Mundae” Brown is best known for her mildly-NSFW softcore-ish lesbian-sex gothic horror movies (think female vampires Halloween style). If you were hoping for something along those lines here, you’ll be thoroughly disappointed. It’s basically a straightforward horror movie (well, it tries to be but it’s not very scary, as alexisbits pointed out).

So the formula for this movie is - make a B-grade sex-horror movie with sub-C-list acting, remove 99% of the sex, remove 99% of the horror, but leave in the unintentional humor (the ending, among other things). This is what’s left…

Planet Dune (2021)
syndromezed 3 points 2 years ago.

The most fun (or depressing) part of these Asylum knockoffs is guessing whose acting “star” has fallen so much they’re willing to take a role in the film using their official (real or stage) name. Well, that and rolling your eyes at the attempt to name the movie so that it’s close enough to the blockbuster version that everyone knows which film it’s mimicking, but far enough not to get sued…Transmorphers, Atlantic Rim (hint: there IS no such thing), etc. It becomes kind of a game after a while.

The one exception is C Thomas Howell, who’s managed to carve out a niche as the lead in a lot of these movies. He’s a decent enough actor when he wants to be, so I figure he’s found that sweet spot where he gets a decent paycheck but doesn’t have to bring his A-game unless he wants to. That kind of freedom I have to respect. :)

This movie though, is exactly what it sounds like in its title…a low-budget knockoff of Dune with just enough changes to the plot that Frank Herbert’s estate can’t sue them. Or you could say, with just enough cheapness and bad acting to be called a parody of Dune, if you want to be particularly harsh. I expect it’ll earn the typical Asylum IMDB rating of 2-4/10 (I’d give it a 3, if only for the unintentional humor).

Parallel Man: Infinite Pursuit (2014)
booger 3 points 2 years ago.

https://www.primewire.li/movie/236238-watch-doorways <—- Written by George R. R. Martin this pilot episode (the series has never been picked up) was ripped off heavily by Sliders.

syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago.

Nice find booger…it’s like the cliche says, there’s nothing original under the sun. :)

I have mixed feelings about Martin’s writing. (IMO) Some of his work is good, some is meh (or just bad). For my money, the best “alternative Earth” stories were Phillip K Dick’s stories (though most of them didn’t specifically reference the ‘parallel world’ idea) and Harry Turtledove’s early work.

Parallel Man: Infinite Pursuit (2014)
syndromezed 3 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

Nice animation/voice work, but the plot could have been (maybe was?) lifted from the 90s show Sliders and their CroMag storyline. Basically, the USA in one of many parallel-dimension Earths develops interdimensional travel technology (cough sliding cough) and uses it to conquer other weaker Earths (cough Mags cough). The story is about them conquering “our” Earth (Beta 76 in the movie, Earth Prime in Sliders).
The main difference between Sliders and this movie is that the movie has a beginning Star Wars-esque text crawl that explains that they developed sliding instead of nukes as a way to defeat Japan in WW2, but no one really explains how sliding to other Earths would actually have helped. Sure, they could potentially steal tech, but how they could steal enough of it to actually defeat Japan is a whole other question. Then the crawl continues with “there was World War 3” on CroMag Earth and that this led them to need to conquer more and more other Earths…again, the fundamental premise is a “suspend your disbelief and ignore the sinkhole” kind of problem. Sliders explained it as a combination of CroMag feelings of racial superiority and insecurity at finding almost all the other Earths populated by us. I know modern and cro-magnon man were both homo sapiens, and Sliders probably should have been calling them Neanderthals (that’s close to how they did the makeup), but it’s a more believable setup than this movie’s.

Still, once you get past the setup, the movie is fun to watch even if it’s not particularly original. Personally, though, I would have liked to see the writers come up with some really weird s**t that would let the animators have a lot more freedom to be creative. Insectoid terrans instead of dinos, for example, or nano-humans. The weirder the better. :)

Doctor Who (2005)
Duvet Diva -6 points 3 years ago.

I always felt jenna coleman ruined Doctor Who for me her character seemed pointless and very annoying I don’t know I haven’t watched it since she was introduced into it can’t stand the voice or the smug disposition she was the same in Death Comes to Pemberley.

syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

I liked her character a lot - I thought the writers did a good job making her important to the Doctor and to the rest of the universe in general as his partner in adventuring. And the ep where she dies - and the episodes related to the Doctor’s reaction (and her pleas for him to take care of himself and not let revenge destroy him) were some of the best characterization the show’s done IMHO.

Doctor Who (2005)
[removed by a moderator]
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

Pretty much agree completely…Whittaker has been very good as the Doctor, and even the companions have had bright spots even if they’ve been pretty uneven overall.

But I don’t like the whole “The Doctor is not really a Time Lord” direction at all. Going that route not only bollixes up the Master’s and the Doctor’s relationship, it rips a lot of the heart out of big chunks of the older stories. Unless the writers spend half of the final Whittaker run with angsty stories where she wonders why she should have even cared about locking the Time Lords back up in David Tennant’s farewell episode, or why she saved them from so many different races, it’s going to be a meaningless Shyamalan-like attempt at a twist.
Couple that with the current writers’ propensity to write episodes that draw a lot of plot points out for no real reason for 40 out of the 50 minutes of runtime, only to have the climax be that the Doctor throws a switch with very little risk to herself or really anyone else, and it really boils down to needing new writers (and showrunner) more than a new Doctor. I mean heck, hokey though some of the old series might be, at least something was usually about to blow up or get sucked into a black hole or time well when the Doctor saved the day. :)

Halloween with the New Addams Family (1977)
syndromezed 7 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

This is one of those things that hurts my heart, like the 60s Three Stooges.

In all of them, I want them to be funny but they need to be faithful to the original material. The 60s Stooges tried really hard but Moe and Larry were too old (and Curly and Shemp gone) to do the kind of slapstick they used to do, so those were more like throwbacks to 40s musicals. This Addams Family TV movie had the same problem - the actors were there, basically, but the writers didn’t seem familiar with the original shows (or comics). So they shoehorned the Addamses into a late-70s sitcom script. I mean, there was nothing about the Addams Fam that would have included Chippendales dancers in disco Speedos (that shiny gold/silver fabric). This show should have been made as “A Three’s Company Halloween” instead. Heck, the 90s (IIRC) movies were spot-on Addams Family even though the actors were different (and Christina Ricci was good enough to have had a Wed Addams spinoff :) ).

And seeing the actors I loved resorting to this kind of stuff, knowing that it’s because even the most popular actors in the mid-20th century didn’t make a whole lot off their work (IMO The Stooges should have been set for life) is just heartbreaking. :(

Biohazard (1987)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

LOL - Fred Olen Ray never fails when it comes to dumbest shlock horror movies ever. Even Troma can’t compete, and I loved Toxic Avenger.

Frankly, at the very end after the “big reveal”, all I can do is wonder why the guy isn’t more disturbed about how he tried to have sex with the creature. :P

C.O.R.N. (2021)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

Haven’t watched all the way through yet, but that acronym just isn’t quite right. We had “Day of the Dead”, “Dawn of the Dead”, and now “Collective Order of Charities of the Dead”?

I do give them points for trying, because all too often the producers/directors don’t, and if they’re willing to at least attempt something creative that makes some sense for their bad guys, it’ll probably show up in the movie itself too. :)

Take Back the Night (2021)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

This is the kind of movie that could have been good - taking a metaphorical monster (sexual assault/violence against women d/t their gender) and making it a “real” monster. Having a protagonist that may or may not be imagining things is a good idea, since RL sexual assault cases are usually defended by attacking the victim’s credibility.

But they run into the problem of trying to have it both ways - the monster is portrayed as maybe a mentally ill homeless man (it first appears in an alley in a mess that looks like someone’s makeshift shelter), but also a monster. It can only be killed (supposedly) by magical means, but if that’s true we’re not really dealing with a metaphorical monster anymore at all. I think maybe that’s another way of saying it can’t be killed, but that just muddies things up more. Everything about the monster - including the way it kills the one person I can remember actually dying in the movie - suggests it could be her having a psychotic break and that the monster isn’t real, but everything around the monster says it’s real. Not a bad premise for a movie, but confusingly executed.

Risen (2021)
syndromezed 3 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

So remember how you felt after watching the movie “Contact” and the alien turns out to be the lady’s father (or at least to look like him, cause %$@ special fx)? That’s how you’ll feel at the end of this one, too.

It had potential but resolved the alien-human conflict about 2/3rds of the way through, then had nothing to go on but a very long reveal about how the lead “scientist” was secretly an “alien sympathizer”. Scientifically, it’s about as silly as Independence Day. And I’m pretty sure a Quaker wrote the military parts, because even a 12-year old who plays military strategy/tactical video games could probably have done a better job as a tactician/strategist. :P

Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning (2005)
syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago*.

There are some good parodies of Star Trek out there, and some that just aren’t funny. This one mostly falls in the second group, though once in a while there is a decent joke or two. It wants to be Kung Fury but it’s not as insanely absurd (Triceracop, hacking time on a 40ish year old computer, Viking women with lasers riding dinosaurs…that was some inspired madness ;)). Instead it’s more like some of the writers of Mad Magazine watched KF and thought it’d be fun to do that to Star Trek and Babylon 5. Trying to mix the two together doesn’t really work either, at least not as a parody. It would make for an interesting nerd debate over politics and morals and the future of human beings though. :)

If you’re going to make fun of Kirk’s name, use the fact that it translates into Church, because Captain Id (look up Sigmund Freud and you’ll see what I mean) was sort of the opposite of a serious churchgoer. Banging every space babe that comes along is probably not living up to your name. ;)

Unspeakable (2002)
=CountZer0= 2 points 2 years ago.

10 bonus points for working in a jan michael vincent reference!

syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago.

It’s all Dan Harmon’s fault :D

I guerrieri dell'anno 2072 (1984)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

Wait, so Lucio Fulci did an Italian version of The Running Man? THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER!

Robot Apocalypse (2021)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

I’ve seen Tito Ortiz fight when he was in his prime, so not sure who the man is and who the machine is in this movie. ;)

Funny Man (1994)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

Strange…mostly amusing, though. Like a Dr. Rockso episode of Metalocalypse with more emphasis on the dying than Rockso’s favorite activity.

Dragon Day (2014)
syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

“Burning Myth” is a good name for the production company, because this movie is basically the US far- far-right’s (or at the very least the Jan 6th insurrectionists’) mythological version of “Hercules vs. America under a democratically elected center/center-left government who lets China take over”. I love the whole “everyone except us will decide that Chinese rule is better than not having the internet and having to use cash and other 1980s-era processes” angle, too. I’d like to see the Chinese Communist Party crash and burn just like most people, but this is so over-the-top stupid in its portrayal of the US reaction and response. I mean, seriously, at one point the “hero” (named Duke, I suppose to point out that John Wayne > China) looks at a microchip in a computer and makes it clear that it’s Made in China…seemingly ignoring that fact for the last 30-ish years despite being a computer engineer. I have news for him, if he looks around, most of the two-bit plastic junk he has laying around that’s constantly breaking also has that Made in China label. It’s like the movie suggests this is all a Chinese conspiracy that’s decades old, but even the so-called “heroes” of the story don’t care. Imagine if in Red Dawn, the students who fight back against the Russians had been learning to speak Russian and eating Borscht for their whole lives before the Russians invaded. But they didn’t make any kind of connection or wonder why.

On the other hand, if you think John McClane should have single-handedly attacked the German government for letting Hans Gruber attack our country (by way of Japan, of course), or if you find it amusing when the lunatic fringe accidentally makes fun of itself, you might get a good laugh out of this instead of being (I guess) shocked into some kind of epiphany, which I think is their goal here.

Oh, if you believe the South Park “Chin PoKoMon” episode is real, I think you’re their target audience, so enjoy! ;)

The Nest (2021)
Laura-GCHQ 1 points 2 years ago.

🤣🤣🤣

syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

So I’d say it’s okay but not great. Like I told a guy up top it’s a lot like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The ending would have been creepier if it were less predictable.

My big complaint though - in Body Snatchers the pods get you when you fall asleep and can’t fight back. I can’t figure out why no one seems to be able or willing to simply step on these stupid bugs. They never seem to attack like the DVD cover suggests - in an overwhelming horde. The kid’s mother could have squished the bug that took her over twice, like an annoying cockroach. But she screamed at it instead. I hate that kind of forced plot device stuff where people act even dumber than they normally would. :P

The Nest (2021)
Denver1234 2 points 2 years ago.

Didn’t like it especially the ending. Didn’t understand it.

syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

It’s basically “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” with bugs instead of alien plants. Even the ending - having the bugs take over the whole family and start expanding the colony by sewing more eggs or whatever into the stuffed animals was the same as the Body Snatcher pod people growing more pods and trucking them out of San Fran (in the 70s edition of the movie) across the US.

The Nest (2021)
Laura-GCHQ 1 points 2 years ago*.

Is this any good? I couldn’t get pass the first 10 minutes, does it get better?

syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago.

Don’t know yet, I’m having trouble getting past the alternate title, The Bewailing. That sounds like a deliberately silly subtitle to a Rick & Morty episode. “Morty vs. the Council of Ricks: The Bewailing” :)

Unspeakable (2002)
=CountZer0= 4 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

this one is purely a vanity project. whoever this pavan guy is, i guarantee he has a massive trust-fund or family money behind him. this is self produced. he wrote. he directed it. he “stars” in it. he bought it along with the biggest names he could wheedle/cajole/threaten/whatever to go along with it. and i bet it wasn’t cheap, I’d be very surprised if the actors didn’t cost more than the entire rest of the production. and finally, he got what he paid for (& produced, directed and starred, etc…) an absolute abomination of filmic delusion that he can nevertheless show people & prove he was actually in a movie with some real actors…. yay him! like self-publishing a book but 9 trillion times more expensive.

syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

Yup, finally watched it (sort of). Had the sound off and kind of skimmed it, but I agree with everything you wrote. My personal belief is that Grover was trying to be the next Jan Michael Vincent (sorry, was watching Rick & Morty reruns again, and suggesting he wanted to be the next Vin Diesel or Jason Statham would have made my brain bleed like Dennis Hopper’s in this movie ;)) - or he had a crush on Dina Meyer and just wanted a scene where he got to kiss her.

Really, though, the ending made no sense with the sound off. If the story had kept going with the “maggot in the brain” mind-controly thing like “ST2: Wrath of Khan” I could go with it. But Meyer is a better actress than this movie suggests - Grover must have directed her to “jump higher! Be more scared!” that kind of thing. I’ve never seen anyone overreact like she did, even her in other movies. And I don’t know exactly how his character came back to life after being fried in Ol Sparky, but watching him go Bill Cosby on her at the end and then her shooting him but reluctantly was straight up silly. And if you go by the “closure slide” text at the end, the “unspeakable horror” was either having an abortion or giving an innocent man the chair. A minor scandal like knocking up your mistress many years ago wouldn’t even show up on the public’s radar these days. Frankly, I’m not sure shooting immigrants would make much of a blip if you’re in certain states. That should be the unspeakable horror…love how just presenting a little “evidence” to the press completely cleared the other guy’s name, too. All I can say is things sure have changed since 2004. ;)

Armageddon Gospels (2019)
Saucer-People 4 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

‘Refugee gods, transposed to flesh and blood, wash ashore…’ Great idea for a story, someone should mention it to Neil Gaiman!
Ironically a relatively high IMDb score from a low number of voters is often the best indicator of a bad film, especially when coupled with a good film poster for some weird reason!
My guess is someone was reading White Goddess by Robert Graves back to back with American Gods, put 2 and 2 together and came up with this - folk horror for morons.

syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

LOL. I read AG a looong time ago and never read WHite Goddess, but from what I remember of it I see where the seeming mimicry comes from. :)

Unspeakable (2002)
SheWatches 5 points 2 years ago.

Dennis Hopper & Lance Henriksen plus the main actors make for a very good movie. Sometimes it pays to dig into the old movie box because you can pull out a winner like this one.

syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

How did this Grover guy get to work with that cast - Hopper is quite a catch on his own, but the other three are what I’d call “genre stars”. As in big names in the type of movies they like to choose, especially Lance.

And I have to ask again, how does someone like Lance Henriksen let them totally f* up his name on the box? That to me is a red flag (disclaimer: Haven’t watched this yet but plan to when I have time) usually, since an actor’s name is basically a brand and I imagine they’d be ticked off that their brand was screwed up unless they didn’t expect the movie to make much of a stir.

Blood Born (2021)
syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

The whole “crazy/evil people win” thing has been done so much it’d be more of a twist if the husband had untied the “almost savior” lady and they discovered bullets > supernatural. Or if you have to have a negative outcome instead, have the wife give birth and sacrifice her husband, then the police show up and she’s arrested for murder and the baby taken from her. That’d be a better “be careful what you wish for” twist. :)

Armageddon Gospels (2019)
syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

6.1? Seriously? I like my utter nonsense to be fun nonsense. This was apparently some wannabe-Druid’s attempt to film one of their get-togethers.

The most interesting and fun parts of this movie were the internal Monty Python/Blackadder lines running through my head - when they introduce Robin, immediately all I could think of was the minstrels singing “He is brave Sir Robin…”, and the so-called Cunning People left me thinking of Baldric and his cunning plans…

Call Me Kat (2021)
DaniBl 3 points 3 years ago.

You definitely should. It’s comedy gold!

syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago.

I don’t know about comedy gold for Miranda, but the “real” (Brit) version of Coupling was comedy platinum. :)

Call Me Kat (2021)
Snowdrop 3 points 3 years ago.

I’ve learned the hard way (on here) NOT to pay any attention to comments and just watch the shows or movies myself and then decide.

As a Brit who has watched Miranda (not by choice) I think they shouldn’t have used her show format at all. If they had just put together a ‘normal’ comedy about a cat loving single 30 something it would’ve been a lot better.

The parts of the show I didn’t like were the bits taken from Miranda - bursting into song for no reason; the silly waving from all the cast at the end, for example. 

But putting all the Miranda stuff aside, this was a much better show. I liked it and enjoyed watching. It’s a feel good show and the cats are adorable! Unlike Miranda, the characters are also likeable and relatable and the storyline is much better too.

I think Mayim got better in the role as the episodes went on and I think she did a good job. She should make it her own and not try to be another version of Miranda - that would no doubt improve the show.

Production should also stay away from the episodic storylines regurgitated from Miranda and just come up with their own fresh ideas.

Anyone sitting on the fence should give this show a chance. It’s worth watching to get to know the characters and see where they go - which is what makes a good show in the first place. Looking forward to season 2!

syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

I agree. Never watched Miranda but yeah, the worst parts of the show were the parts you described that were apparently lifted from across the pond. The awkward Sesame Street-like cast waving-goodbye thing just annoyed me from the beginning.

IMO it was ok, and got a little better as it went on - and I loved Bialik on Big Bang so like you I really wanted to like it more. My wife definitely liked it a lot more than me. Leslie Jordan was probably the funniest overall.

I think my biggest gripe is setting it in Kentucky. They have only one person with an accent from the area, for example. I live in eastern TN just south of there and their version of Louisville is nothing like the “real” one, much less the entire region around it. I think they should have set it in Washington or Oregon somewhere - the lack of accents, the more progressive political attitudes, the diversity of the cast/extras - all of that is closer to the Pac Northwest than Appalachia-ish KT. Plus, mentioning Dolly Parton is about the only thing that provides a little “local” flavor, and she’s from TN. Why promote/celebrate an idealized image of a place that is in reality closer to the Ohio of “Hillbilly Elegy” than to their seemingly generic American city?

Haunting of the Innocent (2014)
syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

Less like a possession movie and more like a Viking Wicker Man. Gotta love how Judd Nelson cared so much about this movie he didn’t even check to see if his name was spelled correctly in the opening credits. :)

Territory (2013)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago*. (Contains Spoilers)

This is one of those “what’s the bloody point?” movies. It could have been good but just leaves you wondering a lot of questions - What are these creatures? Where do they come from? Why after a relatively minor accident do NONE of the cars work? (Hint: that one’s a not-so-clever plot device overused as much as the Exploding Hollywood car). Why even do most of what the people do? There’s no reason to think that if they just stay quiet and wait ‘til morning the creatures won’t ignore them. Why after they finally start to fight back against the creatures a little bit, do they quit? The things burn and they’ve got a car battery that could be explosive (or at least acid-spewing) among other weapons. And after they show the guy in the truck hauling these things around in the opening sequence, there’s no explanation about how this part of the road is their “territory” (so…new title? Maybe “WTAF?” would work)

Contrast this with the Korean movie Sector 7 - another creature feature that gave at least token answers to these questions. It’s a lot more satisfying to watch and the sort-of open ending was at least an ending. This one just stops the movie and leaves you to assume everyone dies and there are creatures roaming the countryside waiting to eat you. But there’s nothing more - not even a hint that these things can reproduce or eventually attack a major city. So you leave the ppl hanging, and 3 monsters that can be destroyed and will cause fewer deaths than an Ebola outbreak before they’re stopped. The 4.7 score is high IMO.

Re-Elected (2021)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

OK, a horror movie called Re-elected. Doesn’t matter what it’s really about, you might as well shut off the comments now before they get clogged up with jokes about a certain former guy. :)

Colony (Short 2018)
flyd 1 points 4 years ago.

thisis one of those movies that you skip on youtube…i think theyre called ads?
director:whats the budget? producer: my shoelaces

syndromezed 0 points 2 years ago.

It looks to me like someone got access to a short film festival archive or something like that, so at least some of these shorts just added are probably (like this one) graduation projects or first-time films by brand new filmmakers.

Doesn’t excuse a lot when something doesn’t land, but it does explain why some of them have such low budgets or seem rather rough around the edges (like this one).

Last Ounce of Courage (2012)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

HOW? How did this get a 4/10? Misty Mundae faux-lesbo horror-pr0n movies have better writing and make more sense. This movie was bottom of the barrel, neo-Nazi tripe. As though the South Park characters always complaining about how “they took arr jerbs” decided to write a screenplay. And honestly, for writing a movie about someone who served in the military, they should learn what that is REALLY like. There’s no such thing as a “special unit to rescue POWs”. The closest you can get would be special forces, but they show the dead guy in question at the end and he’s clearly just a regular Army infantryman.

The biggest fail though, is over and over through the movie, the protagonist uses a variation on the South Park guys’ statement, how “they took arr frerdoms” and destroyed Christmas…even though he also points out over and over that a) Christmas is a national holiday that is completely legal, and b) he is free to do whatever he wants as defiantly as he wants even though somehow his freedom has been taken. Don Quixote, Ross Perot, the Ghostbusters - all of them fought more REAL opponents than this guy. Yet somehow we’re supposed to be all ginned up and ready to use our LAST OUNCE of courage to fight his delusions alongside him?

Had this movie been about any other fight, it still would have stunk like a cadaver fished out of the Hudson River after a week or two. A 1.0 is probably too high.

Only watch if you’re tripping really hard or want to get blitzed by playing a drinking game where you drink each time something doesn’t make sense.

False Positive (2021)
syndromezed 6 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

Meh, first 2/3rds of the movie was boring AF. Last act had a lot of potential but you can tell that the writers/producers chickened out in the end. First, she left the nurse and her doctor alive. I can’t really empathize very well with her, thanks to being male and a little ways down the ASD spectrum, but it seems to me she would be a LOT more angry and destructive, or at least more angry, depressed and self-destructive. But come on, it’s not like anyone really takes a high road here, and he’ll just clean up the office and start rebuilding, so ultimately she accomplishes nothing. Second, if the writers wanted us to approach what I imagine her emotional state was - to really drive the message home, that is - her fantasy about getting rid of the two babies the doctor “gave” her should have been something closer to a scene of her jumping out the window with the two infants (CGI maybe, or holding dolls but that usually looks too fake). Watching them “fly away to Heaven” was not very scary (or even thriller-y).

Behemoth (2021)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

Not bad, but would probably have been better as an hour-long Outer Limits/Black Mirror type of show.

Love and Saucers (2017)
SnakePliscan 1 points 2 years ago.

David has never taken drugs, to suggest he had would be incorrect hence its not in the description. i thought he was a rather mediocre artist.

syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago.

Snake, you do remember what the wink emoji means, right? As in, not to be taken seriously? Reading the description about him believing he lost his virginity to an alien and then seeing his “alien face on a pr0n star body who’s caressing her own breasts” version of extraterrestrials said he’s delusional. I thought acid-related hallucinations were less offensive than calling him mentally ill.

I should have qualified my “good artist” comment though. I thought he got better over time and thought for someone who was at least distracted, and quite possibly at least mildly schizophrenic, he turned out to be a pretty good artist.

Lillith (2019)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago*.

Agree with Suisen - like “walker”-type zombies, this story is played way out without some kind of twist/change for a hook. And you’ve gotta have more than a couple fake blood packs and occasional demon makeup if you want to call it horror. Maybe have the demon put the guy in a never-ending Hentai story as the schoolgirl victim. I imagine that would be what meeting Cthulhu “in person” would be like…

Birdgirl (2021)
Figgywigguns 1 points 2 years ago*.

I agree that I highly doubt (hope may be the more appropriate term since TV today just spews out awful re-hashed tropes) they’ll make another too, as the fact that the entire franchise is very niche and played out. I was just stating that the original Hanna Barbara Birdman from the 1960’s was not related in any way to the satirical re-iterations of adult swim’s Williams Street (these new shows are not by Hanna Barbara, they just get credited as the original shows were) trying to hold on to their roots of taking old “serious” cartoons and poking fun at them while also taking jabs at modern day America. This one though, does fall short I just assumed from your first comment you were referencing “attorney at law” as they share a genre and style unlike the original did sport. I never even bothered watching the whole movie, so I agree with you there slugger.

syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago*.

I loved about 2/3rds of HBAAL’s run - I mean, the Scooby Doo and Flintstone eps to me just straight-up nailed it. I still laugh at “Scooby…DOOBY…Doo?!”. And ok, using Shoyoweenie as an Asian name might be rather tired (and is definitely racist) as jokes go, but the self-plagiarism Hanna Barbera engaged in was just aching to be made fun of. Sure, some of them were either too obvious or just dull, but most of them landed for me, at least to some degree.

I’d like to see Williams St take a page from Insta and have a Throwback Thursday - just do the old Space Ghost/Harvey/Sealab stuff alternating with Venture Bros/Metalocalypse/(old) Robot Chicken every Thursday night. Heck, ship it to PlutoTV and those other “What do we do with all these stupid DVD collections we bought?” free TV sites.

The Horrific Evil Monsters (2021)
greyfur 2 points 2 years ago.

Good comment, suckered me right in! Have a really good friend I’m about to call, is turning 69 today, have stuff ready to make a birthday dinner for him, and got him some strawberry ice cream, and went to the store and got him a piece of cake with ‘69’ on it, also strawberry, and am going to stick a candle on it for him. Got him some Heineken as well, his favorite.

Was thinking about what to watch, a good movie or two, as we are both on this site, and saw your comment, and this sounds like it would be right up his ally. Would most like enjoy it myself. Going to get him over here now, and break out that hunk of cake for him with the candle on it, and then put the movie on.

Between that and the movie, and a couple cold ones, might be a decent birthday present. And strawberry ice cream. Can’t forget that!

syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago.

Sounds like a lot of fun, and yeah, I think your friend will enjoy the birthday cele. :) I love “bad” movies that clearly don’t take themselves too seriously and just have fun with it. The 1980 Flash Gordon is still one of my all-time faves…Emperor Ming’s wedding vows had me wanting to use them in my own wedding (my soon-to-be wife nixed that ;) ).

So I hope you both enjoy the party! And tell him happy birthday from a complete stranger (but one only one generation younger than him ;) )

Woe (2021)
syndromezed 3 points 2 years ago.

Woe to you who watches this boring movie. Someone needs to tell Gravitas that a few quick camera sweeps and ghost wearing death’s robe are not scary anymore.

The Horrific Evil Monsters (2021)
syndromezed 0 points 2 years ago.

Definitely low budget, but definitely worth a watch…I’d say it’s what League of Extraordinary Gentlemen could’ve been if that movie were written/styled like Guardians of the Galaxy.

Love and Saucers (2017)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago.

The opening of the description should probably read “David Huggins dropped WAY too much acid.” ;) Good artist though!

Primal (2007)
It Came from Yesterday (2016)
syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago*.

If this is another kickstarter project, then KS is finally paying off. Sure, it’s low budget, but you don’t have to spend tons on the movie if the story is good and it doesn’t try to be more than it is. This movie is fun, hokie in the just-right kind of way (it’s inspired by the old 30s-ish serials like Flash Gordon), and acted well enough to excuse the fact that they didn’t have the Marvel movies’ budget for FX. I liked the Premier effects used to give it that “40s film” look, too.

One thing though - the guy (forgot the character’s name at the moment) wearing the black trench coat and the round John Lennon glasses should have worn different glasses, he looks too much like the evil Nazi whose face melts in Raiders of the Lost Ark. :D

Bigfoot's Bride (2021)
syndromezed 0 points 2 years ago.

Note to Cyfuno Ventures: The part of “grindhouse” that Tarantino and friends parodied/worshipped was not the look - the cheap, worn out film and badly handled edits. Well, maybe a little for the edits. But mostly, it’s about the stupid-to-the-point-of-laughable exploitation. In short, boobs, monsters and gore, and if a demon/devil/bigfoot happened to get it on with one of the half-naked ladies (or if a nun or National Socialist party member from WW2 Germany happened to be punished), it was icing on the exploitation cake. Your movie has great potential as a grindhouse-style flick, but nowhere near enough exploitation material. Bigfoot, check. Boobs, almost but not quite. Gore, only a little. I wanted to watch a fun, stupid “bigfoot steals our womenfolk” movie and all I got was a tiny bit of side boob and not even a cupful of blood, much less the bucketfuls I expected an angry bigfoot to leave. :(

Return of the Ghostbusters (2007)
syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago.

This is actually pretty good for a “fan” movie. There’s something really meta where a movie franchise starts off with creating a franchise for its protagonists. The acting’s not great but not p0rn-trociously bad, though they could have made the Denver ghostbusters a little more individualized and less like attempts to create midwestern Ray, Egon and Peter. Overall, though, it’s a mostly fun movie that makes the franchise a little better instead of a little worse.

Birdgirl (2021)
syndromezed 2 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

I love Paget Brewster and was excited to see this pop up out of nowhere. But…the whole point of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law was showing how farcically bad the original was. Birdgirl has no source material to riff on - even the animation in Harvey B was meant to poke fun at the totally slack level of attention the animators gave it (and props to Seanbaby online for doing the same in a way that makes you laugh so hard bladder control is a problem). The only “source” material is the f’ed up relationship Phil Ken Sebben had Judy his daughter/Birdgirl his wannabe hookup, and they killed that in the first show. I was really hoping Birdgirl and Sebben and Sebben would be hiring clients like GI Joe from the 80s cartoon (that skit on Robot Chicken with the Joes getting confused trying to figure out who to attack in Syria or Afghanistan was spot on and funny - no reason Birdgirl couldn’t have run with that premise), but so far not so much.

There’s a lot of potential there, but the writers/producers need to consult with or hire Astro-Boy and Stoopid Monkey (Venture Bros. and Robot Chicken) productions fast if they want to tap into it.

Disclaimer: Have not seen eps 4 or 5 yet, but they’re not high on my priority list right now.

Unearth (2021)
syndromezed 0 points 2 years ago.

There are plenty of real reasons to at least be wary of fracking, and anyone whose head isn’t involved in a self-colonoscopy has heard of at least some of them. We don’t need a Frackzilla monster to be a metaphor for why fracking is bad.

The Final Storm (2010)
syndromezed 1 points 2 years ago. (Contains Spoilers)

I remember seeing this on cable once - the only things I remember from it are Lauren Holly being pretty damn hot, and the moral of the story seeming to be along the lines of an old Blackadder line: We are but the private parts of the gods, merely to be played with for sport.

I came to this conclusion because the “good guy”, Steve Bacic, finally resolves the whole problem with Silas’ obsession with his wife and saves his family…and then the kid looks up to notice that the stars are going out, which was from a story about how to know when God was done with us humans (the end of the universe, that is) that someone tells earlier in the movie.

So…in the chess battle of good vs. evil, good wins, which apparently pisses God off enough to knock over the whole game board. FU, humanity! :)

Still, Lauren Holly makes it worth skimming through the rest of the nonsense…