PrimeWire

This is a Great movie that completely subverted all my expectations and so much more. As a toxic, disgusting and evil white man I simply could not wait to see Captain Marvel. It’s literally the first time ever in the history of film, media and literature that a woman has been featured in a story ever. And that is simply remarkable, groundbreaking and unprecedented. It’s a momentous historical occasion for all to enjoy.

I am sooooo delighted I purchased my tickets a good 12 weeks in advance for this. I’m sooo excited to watch this movie here yet again on Primewire for the 22nd time, that I’m practically peeing my skin tight hipster pants with soy filled urine. I plan on seeing Captain Marvel at least another 50 to 100 times. The reason I will see it so much is to apologise to every woman on the planet for thousands upon millions of years of abuse they have had to endure at the hands of toxic masculinity, white male privilege and the patriarchy.

To call Captain Marvel a ‘Movie’ is to do it such a huge disservice. This is a piece of fine art activism splendour masquerading as a movie. This fine art activism is perfectly crafted, well layered and beneath that is a perfectly splendid veneer with lots and lots and lots of feminism, It may not be what anyone wants, but by god its definitely what everyone needs!!!

Brie Larson is brave and inspirational in her very, very, very important role as Captain Marvel, she prepared diligently for her character. Brie didn’t actually need to do any training anyway cos she’s already such a “strong, empowered, superior, brave, supreme, independent” woman that certainly don’t need no man. But you can see the clips of her on Youtube doing her extensive and exhaustive training regime that would cripple a mere male. It was pushing a jeep, thats in neutral, on a flat road to get into tip top physical and mental condition. As I watched her doing this I felt compelled to rise from my chair and give her a standing ovation, I was just so overwhelmed by her goddess divine like abilities. Plus she is going to be in the next 76 Marvel movies over ten years so she has plenty of time to get herself in even more phenomenal shape.

Now sorry to make this review short but I need to go and shave with my Gillette razor and take the free oestrogen supplements that are provided with them.

But to conclude this review of the VERY important big activism film, I give it 10/10!!! Both me and my wife’s son absolutely loved it. Captain Marvel not only shatters the glass ceiling and empowers all women but she shatters the patriarchy as well. Not satisfied with that, she then proceeds to pick up the broken pieces of glass and crumble them into dust with her empowered strong independent femininity.

Sorry I meant to give this 100/10!!!! because ‘wahman’ and it has motivated me that as a male I am just a defect girl full of toxic masculinity, that I need to be taught, supervised and medicated to unlearn it. Also I must transition to a transgender woman to better myself and become the best version of me possible. Maybe I can someday be like the man that won the woman of the year award last year, but I can only dream…