In the dead of winter in the Ottawa valley, security guards Donnie Karpinski and Bradley Atkins patrol a deserted Go-Kart, Mini-Putt and Golf Range. On foot, they are left to fend for themselves as they face one of their most notorious nemeses: drunk, metal-head vandals in a pick-up truck out to rile up the rent-a-cops. As the action heats up, Donnie and Bradley’s inept response to the crisis proves that neither of them is really cut out for this line of work. Then again, it’s tough to catch the perpetrators when you’re always looking over your shoulder. Their adversarial relationship borders on the cruel and unusual as the insults and the pranks escalate beyond the realm of decency and decorum. Donnie just so happens to swim the backstroke in dirty pool. The object of his derision, Bradley, is an awkward, bespectacled mama’s boy who fashions himself a poet. Never to be outdone, Bradley fights back in his own way but in the end, it’s the bully who ends up getting the last word, “Excelsior!” As time heals all wounds, Donnie and Bradley form another unstable truce and move on; ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice.